How Do I Give Feedback to My Boss?

Feeling the tension? Turn the tables on office hierarchies.

We've all felt that uncomfortable stir in the pit of our stomach when we see something that could be improved at work. The challenge becomes Everest-like when the feedback is meant for your boss.

You're swamped with emotions: fear of backlash, the awkwardness of overstepping, and the desire to make a positive impact.

Ignore this, and you risk perpetuating inefficiencies or even detrimental practices. But muster the courage to address it, and you stand to not only enhance workplace dynamics but also to assert your role as a true instigator of change – an instant leader sans title.

Crafting Constructive Critiques

Navigating the treacherous waters of upward feedback requires tact, timing, and transparency. Here’s how to do it:

Preparation: Begin with a clear, objective view of what’s at stake. What precisely do you need to address? Is it their communication style, decision-making process, or something else? Articulate this to yourself before you move forward.

Remember to be clear on your Definition of Done (DoD). This prevents the conversation spiralling off on tangents and keeps the topic focused on the specific issue you want to talk about.

Writing it down will help you refine your thoughts:

My outcome for this meeting with John is [outcome].
I want John to know that [issue plus consequence of not resolving].
I don't want John to think that [possible misinterpretation of my message].

Timing: Choose your moment wisely. Right after a stressful meeting or just before a major deadline? Probably not the best time. Find a calm environment and ensure there's sufficient time for a thoughtful discussion, schedule it if possible so it doesn't come acroess as reactionary.

Pro-tip: Don't include it in an already scheduled meeting, such as a 121. Have a separate meeting specifically for this topic. This gives it the attention and priority it needs to work through the issue together.

Set up the meeting by asking “When do you have time to chat about something that's been on my mind? I have some insights I'd like to share that I think could be beneficial.” It shows respect and sets a collaborative tone.

Positive Framing: Start with intention. For instance, "The reason I wanted to bring this up is because I believe in what we do, and I want us to hit our goals."

Be Specific: Offer concrete examples and solutions. Instead of saying, “Your meetings are disorganised,” try, “If we could have an agenda before meetings, we would all come better prepared and contribute more effectively. This would lead to better decisions and people being clearer on their actions, which I assume is your goal as well?"

Dialogue, Not Monologue: Encourage a two-way conversation. Ask for their perspective and be ready to engage in a discussion, not just a one-sided feedback session - "I appreciate you hearing me out, what are your thoughts on moving forward on this?"

Pro-tip: It's important you approach the conversation with trust and not suspicion. If you anticipate a negative response, you're setting yourself up to fail.

Follow-Up: Suggest revisiting the conversation to see what's working and what isn't. “Can we check back in two weeks to see how the new meeting format is going?”

What if it Doesn't go to Plan?

You can give yourself the best chance of success by following the advice above, but you can never guarantee the other person's response. They are their own person. You are your own person.

If they respond in a negative way, and shoot you down in some form, it's still on you to behave professionally. Don't lose your cool.

You've just received useful information about this person. Think on it. What does it say about their character? What has the conversation taught you about their motives, flaws, and maybe even insecurities?

The key here is empathy.

If the door you opened gets firmly slammed back in your face, you may have to start asking bigger questions around your position in the organisation and whether it's a good fit for you long term.

But be careful not to build your case on what might be an isolated incident. They could just be having a bad day (you never know what's going on behind the scenes).

Persevere and make a note of what happens each time. If you start noticing a pattern, where the same result keeps happening then you have several options:

Look for ways to improve your approach - your tonality, choice of words, framing, internal posture etc.
Accept this is how your boss is going to be and change your expectations to suit.
Decide you don't want to settle for this type of working relationship and move on.

It's normal to feel anxious about talking to your superior, but remember that your leadership isn't dependent on your position relative to the person you're talking to.

Conclusion

By practising your instant leadership through giving feedback to your upline, you're equipping yourself with one of leadership’s most powerful tools. Feedback is the force that fosters growth and innovation.

Remember, leadership isn't about authority; it's about influence, and influence is built on trust, empathy, and the courage to pursue collective goals.

To echo the wise words of Ken Blanchard: